Feb 26, 2007

Tumerica Dishes on Oscar Night Attire

Like those Americans who watch the Superbowl in order to check out the extravagant or whacked out commercials (you know who I'm talking about), I admit to watching the Academy Awards either partly or wholly to check out the fashions--or lack thereof (plus I was so blown away by Pan's Labyrinth that I hoped it would take home a bevy of Oscar statues--it did). I get a naughty thrill when someone like Cameron Diaz wears a particularly dreadful dress (which she did), or when J.Lo takes home the Tumerica Prize for Best Dress and Best Overall Look--which she did. This is all in fun and does my heart good to avoid facing the cosmic chaos of impending doom in the Middle East and in the environment for a while. So what did you think about these looks?

Most Delicious

Jennifer Lopez
Spectacular dress, regal and breath-taking. Loved everything about her look. The simple wavy hair, the necklace strands of jewels in the bodice, the subtle color, and the Grecian styling. Fabulous.

Gwyneth Paltrow
Absolutely scrumptious. The perfect mixture of subtlety and artistry. Complex textures and shapes. Original and interesting color. Delightful. She looks the most beautiful I have ever seen her. And I am not even a fan.

Helen Mirrin
So wise for a woman of a certain age to wear a sheer bodice that also modestly covers the shoulders and arms. Gorgeous dress. She could not look more attractive or polished.

Nicole Kidman
Everything delightful and then taken to the next level--sheer art. The most scrumptious shade of tomato red. Bold and simple shapes. Structural and exciting. Perfection.

Least Nutritious

Cameron Diaz
What's up with the orangey spray-on tan? Ick. And the dress that screams 1990s prom? Could not take a more beautiful woman and pose her in worse hair and make-up. I could style better blindfolded.

Isla Fisher, aka, Borat's Babe
Just say no to the Miss Little Rock look from the 80s--poofy hair, boobs falling out of the strapless dress that is a Wal-mart shade of green (there is a right shade of green for you, but that ain't it).

Jessica Biel
Another example of gorgeous girl meets incompetent stylist. Nauseating shade of bubble-gum pink cinched with ugly little black belt and a formal that looks like it was made using Dressmaking for Dummies pattern #0001. And the hair? Did she get her little sister to do that?

Jodie Foster
Hate to criticize Jodie because I am a big fan. She's brilliant, she's talented, and her taste is questionable. Oh well. The dress is a clammy shade of gray-blue and it hangs on for dear life off the lower part of her boobs. It's not her and it's not all that great anyway. I think she looks marvelous in a tux--just like Ellen DeGeneres wore, who looked classic and chic.

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