May 24, 2007

Vice-monster In Chief Has New Grandson: Is Baby-Cheney a Conflict of Interest or a Bundle of Joy?

Just when you thought only komodo dragons and now hammerhead sharks could have virgin births, VP (for Vile & Pugnacious) Dick Cheney and his heavily face-lifted wife, Lynne, are the proud grandparents of a fresh, eight-and-a-half pound baby boy from their daughter, Mary (whose namesake had that other famous virgin birth a coupla millennia ago). While this birth may not be parthenogenesis, it is disapprove-a-genesis from the senior Monster-in-chief. Did George W. Bush come before the child with hearty congratulations and flowers? Because for sure, he did not bring gold, frankincense, or myrrh, as he is definitely NOT a wise man.


For the VP and Tight-Face Lynne, this new birth is their sixth grandchild, but their first to be conceived under a policy Dick may not approve of—openly, anyway. Yeah, he gives lip service to "I want everyone to be treated fairly with respect to their living choices," but he works with Mr. Doo-Dah-Dubya (I cannot say “works for” as we all know who has the significantly higher IQ), whose administration has the most medieval ideas about marriage and is none-too-reticent about broadcasting them. One wonders if the impregnation of the Vice-daughter was timed toward the end of the two-terms of the current administration, the elections of which were both either stolen through vote-rigging or Supreme Court Justice-appointing anyway. Doesn’t hurt to gild the Conservative lily in the trickle-up method of Federal justice juggling, too.

Perhaps Dick Cheney is a closet gay marriage supporter? But would he come out about it in open conflict with his "I get messages from God" faux-boss? In a reprise of the “You’ll wonder where your father went/When he talks against the government” jingle, the Bush-Cheney-Rove enemy-control tactics include but are not limited to: torture; detention-without-representation; outing of operatives; and toppling of governments—even those his predecessors had propped up with U.S. dollars (remember in the 80s when we pumped so much money into those anti-Russia resistance fighters in Afghanistan, later known as the Taliban? Remember that petty dictator who was known as Saddam Hussein, who cinched his power in Iraq by the immediate withdrawal of Bush Sr.’s troops, also back in the 80s?). One hopes the current Bush administration’s enemy-overthrow techniques are somewhat less Draconian than the Russians’, though, because that Polonium 210 stuff is wretched indeed.


Back to happier events, the blessed mother, Mary, is famously married to her long-time partner, Heather Poe. For the new infant, they have considered the name "Little Dick Junior," but pundits predict that won't stand firm for very long. Other options of note are “Virgil,” as a sly twist on the virgin birth aspect, and even, more boldly, “Jesus, Junior.”

I’d like to send my heartfelt congratulations to the young couple, because, after all, it is not their fault that the baby’s grandfather is one of the architects of the largest synthetic "terrorist" attacks in the world, and perhaps the most evil human currently alive, on a vileness level rivaled only by Kim Jong Il, who has starved millions of his minions, and Charles Taylor, the Butcher of Liberia. Nope, we cannot choose our parents, much less our grandparents. Let’s hope the new little Cheney grows up in a world that sees his famous grandfather behind bars and a country that has wised up about the importance of supporting people like his mothers, who deserve every right and privilege that other folks who are crazy enough to get married enjoy. Let there be some kinda fairness somewhere in his lifetime, pulease.

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